I ended my last post claiming the next one would be positive. Best laid plans...
Nine days into the year and I haven't blogged. Have I nothing to say? Not sure. Only that I feel that life is dominated by worry right now. Not life threatening, or anything. Just worry and my old friend anxiety. Not earning enough money. At all. One of those times when things seem bleak and I wonder what the point of it all is. Years spent learning about filmmaking and screenwriting and I seem to be nowhere. I feel old and like I'm staggering around in the dark on my own. Really old. Have I wasted the past two decades?
Still trying to write but it's difficult just now. House in partial upheaval at the moment as a good friend of mine of re-doing our woodwork from the just-not-right-at-all dark brown to white. Makes the main hall seem like a different room. A relatively simple task like getting rid of dark outlines makes a hell of a difference.
Quit booze. Made a fool of myself on New Year's Day. A week into sobriety and have been tested a few times already and didn't fall off the wagon. Resolute. Good. I don't want a drink again for a long time. Even a few pints will make me tired the following day and getting pished knocks me over for two days. This isn't age. Always been that way.
Looking at some of the yo-yo nature of my posts, I sometimes wonder if I'm bi-polar. Unlikely. But the niggling little thought about mild Aspergers still pecks away. Not something to be joked about.
Who knows what the rest of the year will bring? Something better, I hope.
It's good to vent.